📰 Daily Pidgin Headlines with Humor – 23/08/2025

By Prince Agbedeyi O. D

🔥 Bandit Wahala

  • Bandits raid Plateau village, kill 12 – Plateau leader cry: “Dem carry village like takeaway pack.”

  • Troops arrest terror kingpin Adamu Buba & 63 others – Buba no know say soldiers dey wait am like NEPA bill.

  • FG vow hunt killers of worshippers for Malumfashi – Hunters go soon turn EFCC style, “If you kill, we go collect you.”

📚 School & Sense

  • 15m children still dey house, no school – ActionAid – Na only chalk dey full Nigeria, students scarce.

  • UBEC promise tackle out-of-school pikin – Dem go soon carry children back by force like NYSC call-up.

  • FG plan feed 20m pupils by 2026 – Hope say garri and egusi soup dey syllabus.

🌐 Government & Internet Wahala

  • Only 7 LGs get functional website – ICPC – Na so! 767 LGs still dey operate with pigeon messenger.

  • INEC don begin voter registration sensitisation – Over 500k Nigerians don pre-register, but laptop dey hang like JAMB center.

  • Kano target 10m voters – Question: Who go count dem?

🚔 Police & Security Drama

  • Police disband squad wey assault motorist with camera-glasses – Officers no sabi say camera no dey wear wrapper.

  • Anambra vigilante wan bribe corpers with ₦10k – Corpers shout: “Abeg, add NYSC allowee join!”

  • Police nab transformer vandals – Light don shout “Alleluia,” PHCN fit sleep small.

🌍 Abroad Gist

  • Many tourists die for New York bus crash – Driver no know say traffic light na God of America.

  • Trump warn sanctions over Russian strike – But still leave back door open, like man wey wan thief meat.

  • Suicide bomber kill police officer for Syria checkpoint – Madness no dey end for that side.

💰 Money & Business

  • NNPC profit drop from ₦905bn to ₦185bn – Money just vanish like breeze for Lagos danfo.

  • Oil producing states share ₦120bn derivation – Governors already dey price new Prado Jeep.

  • PENGASSAN blame refinery collapse on politics – True talk, refinery no get manpower problem, na “oga problem.”

🏛️ Politics & Palava

  • PDP crisis: combatants dey plan NEC meeting – Dem wan settle fight, but suya dey table.

  • ADC coalition dey deceive Nigerians – Datti Ahmed – Bros, na politics be that!

  • Peter Obi blast N142bn for bus terminals – “Build hospital first, make bus rest small.”

⚽ Sport & Entertainment

  • Yobe dey organise football competition for flood campaign – If you score, water go reduce.

  • Hilda Baci plan cook world largest pot of Jollof rice Sept 12 – Nigerians dey prepare spoon, Ghana dey prepare insult.

🏥 Health & Wahala

  • Lagos shut 30 health facilities – Na only chemist go dey survive now.

  • Doctor arrested after woman die during CS in Edo – Patients now dey ask doctors for “NIN & BVN” before operation.

👑 Tradition & Society

  • Alaafin vs Ooni: Monarchs under spell – Traditionalists – Maybe dem watch too much Nollywood.

  • Oluwo dey happy as Court uphold throne – Kabiyesi fit now dey dance with confidence.

😲 Odd & Funny Gist

  • Corps member cry say vigilante drag am naked – Nigeria don turn reality show, “Survivor: Village Edition.”

  • Man commit suicide in Osun after quarrel with wife – Bros no fit shout “Sorry,” instead shout “Bye-bye.”

  • Any of my PAs earning less than ₦1m dey lie – Gov Eno – Na so! Nigerians apply sharp-sharp: “Oga, employ me abeg!”

🌞 Did You Know?

  • Tungsten get highest melting point – Even Lagos sun no reach am.

  • Kimono mean ‘thing to wear’ in Japanese – Unlike Nigeria where “wrapper” mean “thing to cover your shame.”

📅 Today in History

  • 1990: Armenia declare independence from Soviet Union – Since then, dem no dey borrow sugar from Russia again.

✍️ By Prince Agbedeyi O. D, Global Egberi Media International
📧 globalegberimedia@gmail.com | 📞 +234 813 490 2214 | 🌐 https://globalegberi.blogspot.com


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