Daily Pidgin Headlines With Humor

 

Pidgin Headlines With Humor

(By Prince Agbedeyi O. D)

🎓 School Palava

• ASUU don scatter campus again with protest – students dey wonder if na “strikeology” course dem go graduate with.

• UNIBEN freeze, LAUTECH still lock, UNILAG lecturers dey run comot – e be like say na lecturers first dey “Japa” pass students.

🚉 Transport Wahala

• Abuja–Kaduna train derail, six injure – dem say Naija railway dey do “break dance” without music.

• NRC suspend train indefinitely – so passengers go dey “trek express” till further notice.

🌊 Water Palava

• 28 rescued, 22 still missing for Sokoto boat crash – Naija water don turn “who go fit swim go survival show.”

⚖️ Court & Crime

• Osun monarch bag four years jail in US over $4.2m COVID-19 fraud – dem say him go rule cellmates now as “Kabiyesi of Yard.”

• Fake Postinor-2 flood market – lovers don dey shout “NAFDAC save us before belle go multiply like pure water factory!”

• EFCC still dey drag Atiku in-law – naija wahala no dey finish, only case file dey add weight.

🌍 Politics & Power

• PDP zoning for 2027 dey scatter North – dem dey play musical chair with presidential seat.

• Tinubu don order ban on shea nut export – farmers dey ask “wetin we go rub body now?”

• Senate don shout: Nigerians make una go back farm – villagers dey reply: “give us tractor first, no be only mouth.”

🌐 International Gist

• London police charge 67 for supporting banned group – oyibo sef sabi scatter protest pass Naija.

• Guinea Bissau PM collapse land for Senegal – dem say politics no be gym exercise but e still dey break people down.

• Japan explain visa for Nigerians – many youths don sharpen CV, but embassy still dey hold biro.

💡 Economy & Business

• Tinubu hail capital market for Brazil – investors dey hope say e no go hail and disappear like NEPA light.

• Dangote Cement empower youth for Int’l Youth Day – youths dey pray say empowerment no go stop at T-shirt and gala.

• Visa wahala dey block $1bn trade with Vietnam – Naija traders dey ask, “abi make we carry canoe go?”

🏛️ State Matters

• Delta & Jigawa dey celebrate 34 years – dem say only two things still old pass dem: NEPA cable and Nigeria potholes.

• Sanwo-Olu dey vex for illegal beach structures – Lagosians dey reply: “na flood build am, no be us.”

• Uzodimma ban land sale for Imo industrial area – land grabbers dey cry: “na our small pension be dis oh!”

🎭 Culture & Life

• Daura dey shake as Int’l Hausa Day kick off – locals don vow say suya go finish before festival end.

• Soludo dey celebrate New Yam Festival – yam sellers dey smile, say harvest no fit waste.

• Lagos festival wan turn culture to cash – Naija sef sabi rebrand anything, even masquerade.

🚨 Security & Wahala

• Four people kill for Benue by suspected herders – villagers dey ask, “when this bloodbath go stop?”

• NSA hand over 128 rescued kidnap victims – dem say kidnappers don almost register company for Naija.

• Couple with pikin kidnapped for Katsina – Naija abduction no dey respect family package again.

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👉 Humor no cancel reality oh, but e dey help us swallow Naija headlines like paracetamol.